These Words given by A Dad Which Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of being a father.

However the actual experience soon proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a larger failure to open up among men, who often hold onto negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a display of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to take a pause - spending a couple of days abroad, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the language of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, altered how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."